As a child I was always weird. I liked playing alone. I talked to myself. I had these deep quizzical conversations with myself that I can still recall. I was super sensitive and an animal lover. I liked Barbies and wearing boy clothes. I was my own self. It's funny how we lose sight of that through the aging process, and how life experience can change us into someone that we don't even recognize anymore.
The split of my parents, and the death of my dad a few years later, changed me. Obviously. I was 11, impressionable, and also super sensitive, remember? I went from being carefree to feeling the weight of the world on my tiny shoulders. From talking to the blue sky to crying alone in my room listening to some Emo band that connected to my anger hoarding soul.
But I'm not getting into the sob story of my childhood because as I have grown older and much, much wiser, I know that my childhood does not define me. I don't use my experiences to make excuses. Not anymore at least. And that is what this post is about. The journey of getting back to my true self.
I recently decided that I wanted to be my own friend. I decided that I'm going to stop calling myself names and letting my thoughts rule my life. I decided that I am good enough, I am smart enough, and if I keep thinking otherwise then the universe is going to keep delivering exactly what I'm constantly dishing out to myself. Negative thoughts produce negative actions. And so I'm here, trying out this spiritual journey.
I started experiencing this connection to my body and mind through power yoga. *cue eye roll*
I used to think all of this was bullshit, and to my own defense I was seeking a connection with myself before I stepped onto a yoga mat. I didn't step on a mat and all the of the sudden decide to be true to myself. I was searching for it and became closer to it through practicing yoga.
"When personal growth becomes the most important thing in our lives, we become committed to giving up our excuses and limiting thought like "I can't" and begin to find a way."
-Baron Baptiste Journey Into Power
I find myself wanting to get back to my child like self. Giving up on the fallacies of society, finding the pure heart that I was born with, looking at the world full of possibilities instead of letting unrealistic limits hold me down. Being the person that I believed I would be when I was just a child.
A person with a pure heart and loving soul who didn't need much except the acceptance of those I loved. And maybe a hug. Yes, definitely lots of hugs.
