No.
To everyone else on the outside, I looked crazy, maybe even irrational, but I didn't care. Everything about Him was what I had been searching for my entire life. Every dream I had as a little girl, He completed.
Him.
He was everything.
Now, if you knew me at the major "turning point" in my life, if we must call it that, then yes, you probably think I'm crazy. You probably think I made a rash decision that I'll regret later in life. But the best part about this amazing revelation is--you don't really matter in this equation. :)
This is about me.
My awakening.
When I first met "Him" I didn't like him. I was at a stage in my life with a guy I had been seeing for almost 6 years and I was ready to take the plunge. Although there were difficulties in our relationship, it could work. I could be happy.
Then I really started to question myself. Was just being happy enough?
Our relationship wasn't perfect, but what relationship was? Everyone had disagreements, everyone fought, of course I knew that, but for the entire duration of our relationship I was always questioning it. Yet here I was, ready to accept a proposal, and not only that, I was practically begging for it!
That sounds pathetic now looking back on it, but I'll irrationally justify it by stupidly saying...I thought a ring would fix it.
ERR, WRONG!
But here is what it all boils down to. I was fed up. Day in and day out, fighting over this stupid commitment symbolized in the shape of a circle with every girls' best friend--a diamond--sitting on top of it. All of that fighting for one stupid materialistic object that I was so determined that I needed.
And it CLICKED!
I didn't want him anymore, I wanted the ring. I wanted the symbolism of the commitment that I couldn't get out of him.
I spent so much time obsessing over this object, this thing, thinking it would fix our problems, and when I finally snapped back to reality I realized that nothing was going to fix our problems because we were the problem.
Us.
Although everyone saw us as the 'it' couple, the 'perfect' couple, they only saw what I wanted them to see. They didn't see what I was sacrificing to have that image.
I wanted to be the couple that everyone envied. So, no matter how mad he made me, or how much I was lacking in the emotional department with him, nobody was going to know. I made sure of that.
But this is where it gets interesting...
Destiny. Fate. God. Whatever your belief, it happened to me.
After a couple of our mutual friends bailed on a planned night out, I was bummed. I needed a distraction and didn't want to go back home. So although I didn't really care for him all that much, I decided to text Him anyway.
He agreed to still meet up which was a little awkward because neither of us had ever really spoken much more than a mumbled hello to each other in passing at the gym. And I don't think either of us even wanted to acknowledge the other but did so only for the fact that I worked at the gym where he spent most of his time.
Fate had pushed us into a blind date of sorts...
This is the moment I remember vividly while sitting in the wine shop, sipping on my cucumber vodka water, waiting on Him.
I was reminiscing in a way. Thinking of all the things I wanted and needed in a man, asking myself why my ex couldn't be those things for me, or more, why he didn't want to be those things for me.
But, I was thinking 'you know, it would be nice to just have a conversation with a guy who's interested in what I had to say, truly interested'.
And then He walked in.
Although I tried not to, it was hard to ignore his beauty. Man, was he pretty to look at. *sigh*
Totally not my type, though.
He came across as arrogant and cocky, and totally not the relationship kind, and not even remotely looking to settle down, which was a shame, because he was damn good looking.
I won't say it wasn't slightly awkward the first couple of minutes but I was pleasantly surprised with how easily he settled into a conversation with practically a stranger. What was even more shocking was that someone I thought acted so arrogant, didn't even want to talk about himself, he wanted to talk about me. He wanted to get to know me, and it was so genuine that I couldn't help but become more interested in him.
We talked and talked and I almost forgot that I hadn't liked him before this conversation. It felt like we had been friends forever. I trusted him.
Laughter came easily, and by the time a couple of our friends decided to come out, I looked at him and said, "Do you want to go play some Xbox and just hang out?"
The look on his face was priceless.
SCORE!
He definitely thought I was a cool chick. *smirk*
I won't mention how badly I whooped him because I'm sure he'll read this :P
The rest is history. He became my best friend that night and we started dating shortly after. And, while my assumptions were correct, he wasn't the dating type, I believe he made an acceptation for me because we both felt it.
Fate. Destiny. God.
And while our relationship hasn't been easy because of outside factors disagreeing with how quickly I moved on after such a long relationship, He has stood by me. He has lifted me up. Comforted and cared for me. Protected, and practiced a patience I've never seen before. And when the world seemed to be coming down on me, He held up the roof and allowed me an escape.
I can never put into words how grateful I am to have had Him come into my life.
A blessing.
My love.
The happiest I've ever been in my entire life.
God sent me a wake up call when he brought Him into my life...
Being comfortable with just being happy wasn't enough for me, and God knew that.
He showed me that you can have your childhood fairytale...
That fairy tales do still exist,
and chivalry isn't dead.
And even when it's hard to close one door,
what you'll find when you open another,
is worth every second of self-doubt,
every second of second guessing,
every tear.
Finding your soulmate
A.K.A
swolemate <3
(gym partner for life)
is worth fighting for.
